how to master bitterness

i’m so angry that it hurts

a transformational conversation

a seed planted in your brain

manipulating everything you thought you knew

pieces of people you’ve known

like beer bottle glass in the road

spread out and shattered

all in everything you see

can’t listen to him

and not think of all the potential love i could have had

maybe if i opened my heart up

shed my skin and became someone new

it’d be so pretty

i’ll be architecture

a mosaic; i’ll be the work of art

what you want

if i could be it and still be me

if i could be it and still be raw

but it’s mean

it’s disgusting

something i’ve got a knack for

and it smells like something died here

i can pretend to be it

but she’s not real

we share a bed, we share a skin

she’s made up in my head

a dream girl, a fantasy

someone people could really want

someone people write poetry about

but i’m not her

she can talk dirty, she can make you laugh

a concept, something to dream about

an idea

something i pray i wake up and i am

and i walk the earth everyday

i don’t know why i still do

my legs are taking me places without reason

i don’t need to be anywhere anymore

no one wants to hang out anymore

no one calls me anymore

don’t decide you need something

don’t ask for advice

don’t ask for anything from me

i’m petty

and i won’t answer

i can’t stay angry forever

and i know that

but my lip is busted

and i think i could cry

i think i could vomit

i’ll hold onto this anger as long as i can

my rage will be long-lasting